Monday Cannon Fodder: Premier League MD4 recap

Good Monday morning, TSFers! I hope everybody had a nice weekend. I’m sure the NFL-enjoyers among y’all did — fans of certain teams maybe not (oof, the Browns) but fans of the sport did! The Premier League slate wraps up with Leeds-Newcastle today before a midweek round of Carabao Cup ties. Arsenal are at Ipswich Town tomorrow, kind of a tricky draw given the number of teams still in the competition at this stage.
The events of the Manchester Derby seem likely to dominate the conversation, so we’ll lead with that.
Manchester United 0 - Manchester City 1
United couldn’t find a goal (or even create many quality chances) despite going up a man in the 23rd minute when Phil Foden received a straight red for kicking out a Bruno Fernandes. Foden’s actions were incredibly dumb and he can’t have many complaints about being sent off. At the same time, it was a soft red card. Yes, he kicked out. But he made glancing contact with the side of his foot, not the significant contact with his studs that Michael Oliver may have thought he saw. Bruno significantly embellished the incident, too. That Bruno escaped without punishment is ridiculous. He deliberately kicks Foden in the back, harder than Foden kicked him in retaliation, to my eye. I think the proper handling of the situation would have been equal punishment for both players. I don’t really care as between two yellows or two reds.
Manchester City’s goal was an admitted VAR error. Enzo Fernandez was offside, attempted to play the ball, and in doing so, influenced Lisandro Martinez (and Senne Lammes, I’d add). Erling Haaland, who scored, was just barely held onside by Patrick Dorgu’s foot. The VAR properly used the tech to determine that Haaland, who looked well offside to the naked eye, was on. They also used close-up replays to determine that Enzo did not make contact with the ball on his diving header, which, if he’d touched it, would have put Haaland offside. But they somehow failed to fully apply the Offside Law to determine that Enzo affected the play and should have been flagged (or as ProRef put it, should have triggered an on-field review).
The mistake is another in an ever-growing list of errors, many of which have been outcome-determinative in matches, that are quite simply unacceptable. ProRef (the new name for the PGMOL) is not fit for purpose. They have demonstrated again and again that not only do they continue to make critical mistakes applying basic aspects of the Laws but that they’re also incapable of self-regulating and making the appropriate changes to prevent those changes from reoccurring. It’s time they are removed and replaced (or stripped down to the absolute studs and rebuilt from the ground up).
Liverpool 0 - Fulham 0
The Reds have spent how much on attackers over the past two summers? Maybe they should have bought some midfielders (and defenders). Fulham, who had started the season with three losses, managed more shots on target 4-2. AT ANFIELD. The Reds have now drawn three and won one this season. It feels like Liverpool are getting off easy for significant underproduction from an extremely expensively assembled side.
Crystal Palace 2 - Ipswich Town 3
Zian Flemming scored a 90th minute winner for the Tractor Boys to lift them over 10-man Palace. Palace took an early lead but were quickly pegged back. Axel Disasi was shown a straight red card in the 34th minute. Ipswich grabbed the lead before halftime. Jorgen Strand Larsen tied the game at 2-2 in the 75th minute but Ipswich won at the death. These early season results for Hull and Ipswich should make the relegation battle more interesting as the season wears on.
Bournemouth 2 - Brentford 2
Kevin Schade scored a brace for the Bees. Justin Kluivert and Marcus Tavernier tallied for the Cherries. This match played out as you’d expect from these sides, particularly with Bournemouth at home. The Cherries had more of the ball and the action, but Brentford made their chances count.
Aston Villa 1 - Nottingham Forest 2
Igor Jesus’ 88th minute goal claimed the points for a traveling Forest side. Aston Villa have opened the season 0-1-3. But hey, they scored a goal. Progress!
Chelsea 2 - Hull City 2
Morgan Rogers scored in the 7th minute — Chelsea have an annoying habit of scoring early so far this season. Hull took a 2-1 lead into halftime. Pedro Neto scored in the 66th minute to split the points and spoil Hull City’s perfect start to the season. Are Hull City for real? I still don’t think so, but if they keep this up, they’ll have banked enough points for it not to matter. Kind of like Sunderland did last year.
Spurs 0 - Everton 0
Tottenham have still yet to score a goal this season. With Aston Villa getting off the scoring schnide this weekend, only relegation-bound Coventry City and Spurs have yet to find the back of the net. Tottenham are in 17th by virtue of their two draws. I don’t think they’ll be in the relegation battle again this season, but right now, they might be worse than last season.
Coventry 0 - Brighton 5
This match was 1-0 at halftime. Brighton made it 2-0 in the 51st minute. Taiwo Awoniyi was shown a straight red card in the 53rd minute and (eventually) the floodgates opened. Coventry might turn out to be the team we thought Hull City were. Frank Lampard’s side are winless, no goals scored, 10 conceded.
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